Thursday, 30 April 2015

'The Road Worrier'

Look, not to call out 'life' on this whole "art imitating life imitating art" thing, but this upcoming Dublin Bus strike could be trying to hop on the 'me imitating life' bandwagon of my Young Adult novel series set aboard Dublin Bus in a dystopian version of the future (or near present! *PPppkkkkyyyeewwwww* your mind just got blown!) in an effort to imitate it.
Just to get it out there before the strike hits, here follows the premise and a brief extract.

Friday, 17 April 2015

Fáilte Ireland: Welcoming everything but my ideas...

No one's asked me about Fáilte Ireland's recent announcement of their Ireland's Ancient East tourism initiative but someone's bound to sooner or later and all of the sordid details of how I originally pitched ideas for the campaign are going to come out.
So I'm going to preempt all of your questions and just lay it out: Yes, in the early development stages I was asked to present some ideas on what should go into the campaign to make the east-ish region of this island as appealing the that broad west part.
It's not unusual for them to solicit ideas from outside parties, a quick walk-through of their office reveals many 'idea boards' - most of which are either blank, or contain pictures of Pierce Brosnan in his 'Remmington Steele' days with no text or explanation - so they can be pretty desperate.

No, not desperate enough for me, they didn't end up using my pitch but if you look closely some elements of what they have put out part look very familiar.

Even though it was a while ago, the details are still fresh in my mind. I remember the smell of coffee that hung in the air, the 'idea board' in the conference room featuring on the word "coddle" on a printed A4 page; I remember their confidence in bringing me in to help, and I remember destroying that confidence like cat walking along a bookshelf, idly bringing everything crashing down in my wake.

I started by introducing myself then jumped right into my prepared PowerPoint presentation. I opened the first slide, then took a large egg from my bag. It was large, just smaller than my head, but remarkably light.
"This is no ordinary egg, members of the board. Or maybe it is. Or maybe I should ask you, what is an ordinary egg?"
They muttered unto themselves for a moment, looking at the egg, then arching their necks to look around me as if my introductory slide would answer this.
"It's something a bird lays?" one of them ventured.
"Or a fish?" Another man added confidently.
"Or a frog!" A voice at the back blurted out, as if they had suddenly decided to one-up each other.
"Crocodiles!" Someone else shouted.
I knew I had to reel this in, they were getting carried away.
"I'll tell yo-"
"Platypus!" Another voice cried out. "A platypus lays eggs. It's the only mammal that does."
I spotted the man who said it proudly folding his arms and reclining in his chair. The crowd muttered loudly, I heard them mention several different kinds of dinosaur and some spiders.
None of these suggestions really had anything to do with my PowerPoint presentation so I quickly clicked past the first slide or two, worried that any other attempt to engage them would end just as badly.

Friday, 10 April 2015

Netflix's Marvel's 'Daredevil'

So, because Eircom have completely cut off my internet (not maliciously, this kind of thing is just a result of  their characteristic incompetence) I won't get to watch Marvel's 'Daredevil' on Netflix any time soon.

But, good news, as compensation to myself, this gives me a chance to share the 'Daredevil' script that I slapped together a few years ago. Jameson used to do (or still do) a "Done in 60 Seconds" competition (any film you want, remade as a 60 second short film), which I entered one year, and had every intention of entering the following year - except they seemed to have borked the entry criteria or some sh*t that year, and it was just frustrating enough, I emailed them a few times but they never got back to me, so it kind killed my enthusiasm.
What it didn't kill was the fact that in preparation I had already written a few poorly-formatted scripts, one of which was for the Ben Affleck-starring "Daredevil", the script I'll share with you now.

So, I can't watch 'Daredevil' on Netflix, but I do have this substitute that will just have to do me until regular internet access is restored:



Matt Murdock Voice-Over:
"When I was 12 years old, I lost my sight but I got something back in return. My remaining 4 sense functioned with superhuman sharpness...."