Monday, 12 November 2012

'The Hunger Games' - An Unintentional Liveblogging

will be watching "The Hunger Games" this evening. Expectations for the film are low, so the bar it has to clear may as well just be left on the ground.

hmmm. we'll see.
7 November at 18:26

It's actually alright.
7 November at 18:26

7 November at 18:26

Well there you have it Dave. The two opinions. One is clearly right. The other is paulas. ;) The games themselves start well. Everything before and after...hmmmmmmm
7 November at 18:28

hmmmmm yourself.
7 November at 18:29

Think Battle Royale for American tweens and you'll have an idea of what's coming. Having said that, it's not as bad as it could've been.
7 November at 18:36

It's terrible. Made worse by the near guarantee of sequels.
7 November at 19:24

Thoughts at 33 minutes in:
Chris. I hope the actual 'games' are at least aimed at tweens, because the build up is really sh*tty future distopia that would be patronising even to pre-teens.

And, f**k, Lenny Kravitz is in this.
7 November at 19:27

58 minutes in and the cr*ppy, poorly thought out distopia has crumbled like a paper-thin bridge carrying the weight of angst-ridden teens.
Yes, we get it, she likes forests. Yes, they're making really sh*tty commentary on reality tv. But we're really skimming over the detail that even though Lenny Kravitz is in this film for such a short space of time he's come across, in every scene, like he's "grooming" the tributes. Depending on what he was going for this is either awful acting on his part, or else he's out-acting everyone in this thing- possibly both!
7 November at 19:57

There's a moment in it, and I don't know if you've hit it yet, but you're going to love it.

And by that I mean hate it.
7 November at 20:33

I just got past the horribly convenient "tracker jackers" bit... The genetically modified hornets which just happen to kill some people and give others timely flashbacks to events previous to the film which are then currently relevant- Genetic engineering is wonderful in this movie.
Well it's leaps and f**king bounds beyond regular engineering anyway which answered the question of "How do we keep these people contained or caged into this large area, setting a boarder or boundary line?" not with "How about a fence? Or cage?" with "Let's technologically alter trees in a wide radius to allow us to make some catch fire, some shoots fiery cannons and other collapse like g*d's own incendiary hammers!"
7 November at 20:42

Also, apparently placing your hand on someone's shoulder and then lightly slapping their neck is enough to cause their head to spin as if snapped before they fall out of frame dead.
Oh, and the preceding "place mines around all of your valuables then come back p*ssed off when it's all exploded and destroyed those valuables" is yet another sign that lobotomies were freely distributed to characters and writers alike.
7 November at 20:47

Why didn't that f**king idiot Peeta just hide ALL under something rather than finding an elaborate hiding spot to which hid his entire torso but not face, leaving him to use an elaborate mask which blended perfectly with all surrounding surfaces even though he had (a) no mirror to consult when blending his face in or (b) the make-up, plastic face-mold, brushes or other paraphernalia necessary to create such a mask?!
7 November at 21:04

Not to interupt but it seems like this film is for you what Starship Troopers 3 was for me.

Carry on.
7 November at 21:28

It's hard to watch this movie all in one sitting, I've had to take many breaks but all gong well in 30 minutes this ordeal will all be over.
7 November at 21:47

This is only the most disconnected and laboured narrative I've seen in a long f**king time. There's literally no story plot, no story, and just one boring over-arching theme of "Will they/ won't they? But what about him? And who really gives a sh*t?!"
It's just a stream of convenient narrative interference from the overseers of the "games"
Nothing's happening- start a fire. Just undoing/ undermining the whole "kids have to kill eachother concept".
Nothing's happening- give her some lotion for those burns from the fire we started. Thus undoing what we just did.
Nothings happening - (exciting stuff is happening off-screen- honestly it is) Thus eliminating the chance that the main characters will have to do anything because people are dying regardless.
Nothing's happening- Let's have her drop something on some landmines so that she can't have the food she couldn't get, it's LiKE something happened, but it DiDN'T!
Nothing's happening- Let's make an announcement to force the tributes to bump uglies (by which i mean their faces!) by promising that if they did they get to both live loudly announcing "This will be the only announcement." Thus undermining the whole "kill everyone" and ALL iMPORTANT "Brother against brother" concept on which the games was founded.
Nothing's happening- "What we said about the last announcement being the only or last announcement was a lie, everyone just walk into the middle of the field where we have left a package with medication necessary to advance the 'love triangle' we are trying to produce. This is the last announcement. Super-serious this time. Everyone go have a convenient and otherwise unnecessary confrontation."
Nothing's happening: "Let's release genetically engineered dogs that look like the 3 headed dog from Harry Potter." You know, because when we said it was a competition to pit child against child we forgot we had a load of dogs hidden under the ground capable of devouring a whole child in one bite, and who amoung us could resist the temptation to say "Release the hounds! ALL OF THEM!"

The whole film is like something happened but nothing really did- it's small snippets of inconsequential episodic garbage.

Right, last 15 minutes coming up!
7 November at 22:19

Awww, I'm really sorry that I'm not there to witness this rant in person!
7 November at 22:28

Michelle, you're missing one h*ll of an ant-movie rant.

So forgetting that a pack of angry dogs are apparently sated when they just slightly maul a guy then wander off into the woods bored. The overseers released these f**king dogs, they also set the entire surrounding woods on fire when a child walk near to the exterior perimeter, the also repeatedly lured the children into situations where many would have died leaving no clear victor.
But right at the end they're all:
"THiS is honestly the final announcement. No couples can win, only one person may survive."
So the kids conveniently have a whole meal's worth of poison berries and go to kill themselves - a feat the organisers attempted to do MANY times previous to this - because if no one wins the establishment loses and the games would be seen as a farce or something (this is those most convoluted and mixed message of the film, do you play along or don't you? Just do SOMETHiNG you blankl canvases of people!)
Only to fall victim to "Quadruple reverse psyche, you guys! You can totally both win! And you did! Good show!"
So they're all, like, "Cool, we weren't really going to anyway! You just just reverse-reverse psyched, *ssh*les!"
Which is fine until this then leads to the coordinator of the games being killed with berries.

All in all, it shouldn't take me 4 or 5 hours to get through a 137 minute film.
Awful, awful f**king film- for the reasons listed above and many many more!
7 November at 22:39

This film sounds worse than "Rubber"! Actually, I'm not sure if anything can be worse than Rubber, but I bet it comes close!
7 November at 22:50

From your earlier posts I assumed Michelle was making you sit through it. I see now it was something you did solo and somewhat masochistically....

Still, the clincher for me was the way the film was set so yer one doesn't have to kill any of the "good" characters. Hell, I don't even think she killed the "psycho" character even after they set it up for her to do it with a clean conscience after they killed the little kid she befriended.

Still, like I said; Battle Royale for American tweens.
8 November at 07:37

Chris, I pretended that her "mercy shot" was actually aimed at his nutsack as both an act of humiliation and a reference to Liam Neeson's character in "Kingdom of Heaven".

Overall I'm upset that this film/ book & "Lord of the Flies" have the same target age group. H*ll "Lord of the Flies" is for a younger audience!

The comparison to "Battle Royale" is nearly shameful, as is the fact the author said that she'd never heard of "Battle Royale" before writing these books.

"Battle Royale" really set out to make the most of teens thrown into that environment, kids committing suicide so they wouldn't have to kill or see their friends kills, kids forming groups and murderously turning on themselves, there was a whole range of emotions there.
The only emotions this film tries to stir is the really weak "love triangle" between the forced companionship of 2 tributes and the longing stares of the wide-necked guy in District 12 who clearly likes her but oh g*d he had to watch them kiss?!?! OMG- Draaaaah-maaahhh!!!

F**K that noise! F**k all of that noise!
8 November at 08:50

Fuck it indeed. And brace for the sequels.
8 November at 16:05

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