Wednesday, 10 February 2010

A Plethora of Plate Jokes (AKA: Just How Far Can i Push A joke!)

[Preface: Ronan left a plate in my house some months ago (March) and i gave it back to him the other day (November) I expected this to be a focal point on conversation... 'conversation' being at a slump as we enter the 4th Quarter of The Year. Obviously, this didn't happen. To compensate, i wrote the following.]
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I've decided that since you got that plate back, it's going to be the focal point in your life for some time (don't ask why, it might just be that i'm having a slow day).

Much in the same manner that Batman fights crimes while doing detective work, so shall you be "delph"ing into mysteries and come across some shadowy figures with whom you shall inevitably do battle!

"Plate-time's over!" you can announce while leaving a scene after you've suitably reprimanded some ruffians whom you've apprehended for misdeeds!

Maybe afterwards, while relaxing in your mansion's jacuzzi with 2 Brazilian cardigan models by your side, you'll say your trade-mark line: "Looks like i've got a lot on my plate at the moment!" Everyone'll share a laugh. The credits will roll.

You'll have a sultry secretary who you'll repeatedly refer to as "being quite a DiSH!" no matter how many times she asks you to stop saying it. She will quit after 2 days of your terrible puns and be replaced by a similar secretary, to whom you'll say the exact same thing and, and she'll quit. When anyone mentions it to you you'll try to jokingly dismiss the implications that you're a terrible boss by saying:

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Ronan:
"A good plate-spinner always has one left in the air!"

Dave:
"Doesn't a good plate spinner always have a few left spinning? I mean, it seems like a 'beginner' would only be able to keep one up in the air?"

Ronan:
"Um, i can't stay to have idle chit-chat. There's crime to fight!"

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Your arch-nemesis will be Dr. Rex G. Olijist, a 'misguided' (read: evil) geologist obsessed with building a machine to control the movements of the earth's tectonic plates.

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Ronan:
"These are some plates you're not going to get to stack, Rex!"

Rex:
"You can't stop me, Ronan! I won't stop until Greece GETS BROKEN BY A PLATE!"

Ronan:
"The irony of that is as grand in scale as it is bewilderingly and unnecessary."

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This will, of course, not have been the first time you've done battle, you'll have matched wits with him before.

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Rex:
"Prepare to face: The Stratus of Evil!"

Ronan:
"I'm not going anywhere, least of all to the streets of Seville!"

Rex:
"What?! No, the STRATUS, like STRATA, of E-V-i-L!"

Ronan:
"Oh, i get it now!"

Rex:
"Good!"

Ronan:
"Still not gonna happen..."

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During your second encounter, you'll utter the phrase: "Looks like someone's after a second helping of trouble!"

Though it should be noted that after your third and fourth encounter the phrase "Third/ Fourth/ Fifth etc... helping of trouble!" becomes quite tiresome, but essential to your script as noone ever bothered to think up something else for you to say.

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