Thursday, October 23, 2014

Film #23: 'The Possession'

People? Am I right?
Sometimes they're just an empty vessel waiting to be filled with some kind of nonsense. Sometimes it's a fad, or a lifestyle, a catchy song or they're possessed by a demon, or something - I dunno. This film's probably vaguely about all of those things...
This film being 'The Possession'.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Film #22: 'Cube 2: Hypercube'

'Cube 2: Hypercube' has a title worthy of any sequel.
In the same way that 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze' and 'City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold' have - what I would consider to be - perfect subtitles, 'Cube 2: Hypercube' works on that same level. Maybe its subtitle isn't as freely interchangeable as the other two, but I still like it. Seriously, whenever a sequel to a movie is announced I always want it to be 'The Legend of Curly's Gold' or 'The Secret of the Ooze' and it would almost always work - try it out!


'Forget everything you thought you knew about cubes!'

'Does for cubes what 'Sphere' did for spheres.'

Any tag line would be better than the one this film chose:

'The first one had rules.' seems pretty stupid, when you consider that people probably would have responded better to the fact that some of the numbers arranged on the front seem to form the word booob!

But, maybe the tag line is just going for 100% accuracy rather than marketability. The first film did have rules. The first film featured a series of shifting boxes housing a group of people who need to figure a way out, all while trying to avoid the escape/ death ratio that works it way towards 1:1; some kind of mathematical code dictated which rooms were safe and which were not.
This second 'Cube' might not adhere to that construct. For one thing it's escape/ death ratio approaches then surpasses 1:1. The number of people who die in this movie far exceed the number of people who are in it. How?

Hypercube! That's how!
Hypercube is a 4th dimensional construct, slowly folding across and revealing breaks in the laws of physics, time, space, whatever has rules, this film breaks them!
Want to move sideways into another room? Nope! You've just dropped from the ceiling to your death!
Want to spend time trying to figure out if that is Brian Cox or a guy who just looks kinda like him?
Brian Cox
Brian Cox-blocked
OK, you'll have time for that one; but only if you can get your mind away from why the film feels the need to draw attention to Lindsey Connell as "the hot one" when Kari Matchett is clearly better looking.

Yes, there are rules in this film. But are there really?
Yes. Yes, there are.

In a film that relies on the Cube being able to bend time and space, absolutely no use is make of that, for any effect at all.
Yes, people discover deal trans-dimensional or time distorted versions of themselves, but all in a very linear and pretty-much-entirely-explained-before-they-show-up way. It's a decent, inoffensive B movie, really the only kind of sequel you could imagine the original 'Cube' having without rehashing the exact same plot, but this is not as well thought out as it needed to be to stand on its own.

Overall I'd rate this film:
"Hey! I know Kari Matchett from '24'!" out of 10.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Day #21: {Horror games}

Not that I do much research in these posts - 30 posts in 30 days may have stretched the limits of my ambition - but in the brief space of time that I did spend looking up stuff for this post it became very clear that I was under-prepared to write it. But, here it goes, with one caveat, this isn't a list of "the top horror games" it's horror games which I enjoyed.
So, no, Resident Evil is not here. Why? Because I have no love for Resident Evil, I tolerated the first one's scurrying about looking for crests and sh*t to open doors while listening to the weird moaning sounds of the zombies, and while there was tension there it was on the 'frustrating' side rather than the 'challenging' side of things.
I did like Resident Evil 2 though. Maybe it just got me at a better time, but it was a good game.
But after that the franchise lost me with its, by about the time "Resident Evil: Dead Aim" came out it wasn't a franchise worth following. OK, it might have picked up after that, but I never really played it again. I picked up 'Resident Evil 4' (Fun fact: there are 11 'Resident Evil' games between 'Resident Evil 2' and 'Resident Evil 4') and it was a decent game, but not enough to get me interested in following the franchise or story again.
Sorry, 'Resident Evil', as much of a corner-stone as you are to horror computer games you bored the sh*t out of me when you had the chance, smooshed that sh*t into the ground with your heel, and no amount of marketing can get me to sniff at it.

Anywho, in no particular order, here are some of my favourite horror games:


Have you ever killed someone? Actually, don't answer that. Not only do I not want the responsibility of knowing, but I also don't think we have that sort of connection where we can confide that sort of stuff, you know? Thanks for understanding! Now as regards to uncertain murders and motives, 'Home' dumps you right into the middle of whatever you might have confessed. Did you kill some one? Are you a murderer? Where are you? What the f**k's with that cellar and the maps and the blood? All questions with uncertain answers in this game, your actions decide the back-story. Creepy as f**k.

The Walking Dead (seasons 1 + 2)

Games are escapist fun! Even games where the player makes the decisions ultimately play along a linear path made to entertain... right? I mean, no one would ever write a game where your poor choices are held against you at every turn by the other characters? And these other characters wouldn't serve as living memorials to your decision, twisting the knife of their feelings and wedging it deeper into you, leaving you cold and alone, struggling to survive in a story where zombies attacks are the least of your worries?
The Walking Dead does just that. If you have a will, this game will wear it down. If you have a heart, this game will break it. It will break it hard.
The story features different characters and settings to those from the tv series, which makes the fact that they can cram more character development and pathos into these games all the more impressive. Seriously, I still can't talk about the ending to season 1.

Left 4 Dead (1 or 2)

"Here's a gun, go shoot some zombies" is an easy concept to think up, quick to sell, but hard to execute. Left 4 Dead's main achievement is in making a ridiculously fun shooter, that it's co-op so you and 3 others can fight hordes of the undead through a series of familiar horror locations makes it a near perfect at it's job. Running, shooting, reloading, running zombies, and special zombie types infesting locations, all swarming in from all directions, cornering you and pushing you to moments of exhausted desperation, before the sweet release of death or a safe room welcomes you inside are all part of every level in this game which rarely lets up on the action.

Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth

Buggy, frustrating in difficulty at times, but it has to be recommended for its effort. So many games ape a Lovecraftian tone, but few really carve those ideas into anything concrete that legitimately feels like the source material. This game does, it's a success in tone and style, creepy, chilling, respectful of the source material without jamming too much in for the sake of showing off. Fans of games and Lovecraft can get behind this as being a standard-bearer which it'd be hard to imagine anyone rivaling.


I promised myself that I wouldn't make any party/ broom jokes here, so I'll just say that the closest your back gets to the ground and the flattest you get in this game is when you've died and some dark shadow of a horror has killed you. You, a young child, who wanted nothing more than for some sense or light to arrive in the dark shadows of this game, will see no relief as this platformer moves you through a silhouetted landscape filled with giant spiders, collapsing ground, people who hate you, and brain controlling creatures waiting for you to walk beneath them.

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Believe it or not, the sensible thing to do before you play this game is to pre-sh*t your pants - it'll save you being surprised by the warmth, odour, and texture of it later.
'Alien Isolation' owes a lot to this game, and this game did it more effectively with a far shorter play time. It has a plot, that I missed due to some whimpering, and an objective which I missed while cowering in one of the games hiding spots, or while running across the room in my house to turn on the lights because who needs to play games with the lights off? That's stupid, I'll turn them on if I want to, f**k you!

Among The Sleep

Hey, you play a toddler, and your adorable teddy friend acts as your guide! Super cute! Right?
WRONG! Pre-sh*t your pants! Do it now to establish a trend! Or if you get caught sh*tting your pants while playing try to pass it off that "the game was so engrossing that you lost yourself in the character of the child and your bowels loosened as your reached some sort of emotional sync".
As with 'Amnesia' a lot of time is spent cowering and hiding, dreading and fearing, just no.

Deadly Premonition

Ending on a slightly lighter note, Deadly Premonition is the Twin Peaks of computer games. It's been described as a "beautiful trainwreck", and it's hard to argue with that description. This game is both a piece of sh*t and deserving of every second of your time that it robs you of. It's a game that has you gunning down trench-coat clad killers in one sequence, distorted version of which stalk you and draw ever-nearer, and in the next scene a wheelchair-bound masked man is having his assistant advise you on the merits of eating a turkey, strawberry jam and cereal sandwich while a whistling carefree soundtrack plays over.
So, yeah, it's a weird one, an acquired taste, but one that rewards as much as it annoys.

Alan Wake

Where Deadly Premonition is a Lynchian fan-ficiton-inspired wet dream, Alan Wake is a Stephen King story without the... ummm, the Stephen King name on the box. I liked this game, It nails the tone of a (good) King novel, the graphics are crisp, it's divided into "episodes" which end with a darkening screen and a familiar song playing in the background like a tv show, and it just moves along at a nice pace. Real effort went into the atmosphere and it pays off in the way that Stephen King doesn't anymore.
Not pant-sh*ttingly scary, but it has some real unnerving spooky moments.

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines

Vampires, those potentially creepy sh*ts. I mean, who knows what to make of them? Are they sexy, sharp eyed being of immortal seduction? Nosferatu-like freaks skulking in the shadows? Insane monsters whose minds slowly warps over the eternity of their lives? Handsome Socialites?
However you feel about them, this game makes it possible for you to recreate that image and play through an RPG in that style. Seriously, the choices here are staggering! The setting, so well realized! You can walk the streets or stalk them swinging a f**king mallet and sucking the blood out of everything that moves. As many RPGs are there are in the world there is nothing close to this game.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Film #20: 'Let Me In'

'Remake' is a dirty world to film lovers.
You could write a thousand swear words about a beloved classic, you could point out things it does badly, curse the actors, call the director a hack, or melt copies down into a trough and place it in a pub toilet for people to piss into, and some people would think you were treating a film with more reverence than someone who wanted to remake it.

So when "Let The Right One In" - a haunting tale of the growing friendship between two kids, one of whom is from a broken home, bullied, and without friends, the other is an ageless vampire - was to be remade there was the expected outcry of "why can't mainstream movie-goers just read? They'll ruin this film! blah blah blah"
Most of the arguments against remakes kind of annoy me, for a start no matter how bad you think a remake is, it can't ruin the original. Worst case scenario, you learn a little something more about what you like in films!
After that, if it turns out to be good: Bonus.
If not: Don't see it.

As for this particular remake, it came out in 2010 and I saw it last night in that time it was really easy to put off seeing this film based on its advertising:

Anyway, that just leads to this "Let Me In":

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Film #19: 'The Mist' (Black and White)

Late with this post today. And, technically this trailer isn't even the one for the film I watched.
And this is also a film I'm rewatching, so, yes, Sunday is a fine day to coast!

'The Mist' is Frank Darabonte's movie based on a Stephen King novella about a mist that arrives after a storm, engulfing a town, and bringing a strange series of monsters hidden within it.

Film #18: [Short] 'Steadfast Stanley'

OK, I dropped the ball on day 18 - so as a quick way of catching up I present the wonderful short film 'Steadfast Stanley'. It's a great, warm animation which manages to do more with the "zombie apocalypse" mayhem idea in 4 minutes than 'The Walking Dead' managed in its last 4 seasons.
Enjoy, watching this is worth 4 minutes of your time more than anything I could write about it.

The creator. John Cody Kim, has a blog with more information on the making of it if you want to do some more reading today.

Note: I'm posting this online because it's impossible for me to publish it directly into your feelings where it belongs!

Friday, October 17, 2014

Film #17: Disney's "Spooky Buddies"

OK, before anyone asks, are you really going to argue me away from watching "Disney's Spooky Buddies" and towards "I Spit on Your Grave"?
No, you won't.
And if anyone ever tries to ask you to stop watching a film with puppies in it in favour of one with scenes of extremely distressing assault, sexual violence, and beyond, then that person mightn't be the most emotionally balanced to take advice from.
Spooky Buddies it is!