Thursday, October 30, 2014

Day 31: Top 25 Films To Not Watch This Halloween

There is no shortage of "Tops Films You HAVE TO Watch This Halloween" lists on the internet because, let's be honest, there's a lot of good movies out there. OK, over the course of the last month I might not have enough recommendations to come up with enough to cover the day but that's only because I was aiming to watch films that I hadn't seen before. You only get one Halloween but, like, a few dozen recommendations for the one film you must watch that day, so I'll help you scratch a few off your list or at least help you justify to friends and well-wishers why you ignored their advice and went your own way.

28 Days Later
OK, I'll give this movie one big get: It's the most accurate representation of animals rights activists I've seen in a film. Dumb, thoughtless idiots break into a research lab - with no knowledge of what was being tested on the chimps - with the intent on releasing these mystery illness inclined animals based purely on their own sense of self-righteousness with no thought of the consequences. As a result of these idiots not being willing to research (read: read) what's up with the chimps the world is f**ked. As is this movie, after this opening scene the movie goes rapidly downhill. This movie gets a lot of flack for "fast running zombies", hardly its biggest problem. This movie also features Cillian Murphy's wang. It's in the second scene. If that's what you want to see you can turn the movie off then, it doesn't make a reappearance.
If that's not what you want to see, then, I dunno, tough - This film has way more problems that you being a massive prude and if I have to reason you past this point then I might wear myself out before the real problems show up.

Ghostbusters 2
I've mentioned before that I think "The Secret of the Ooze" is a near perfect movie subtitle. Ghostbusters 2 had the chance to use it first and didn't. Strike one.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Day [Number]: 'Webcomics'

I had intended to do up a post which was entirely horror webcomics, but these last 2 weeks have gotten away from me so I haven't gotten around to it.
Luckily someone at did, and their list pretty much has everything I was going to list and a good few more, so rather than present a half-formed thing check out

One of my very favourites on this list is 'His Face All Read', a creepy short story whose style just oozes atmosphere. I mean, just look at it:

I'd be lying if I said that my original plan to draw up a list of horror webcomics wasn't just a means to share this comic.
So, yes, read it and enjoy.

I'll also draw special attention to the pants-sh*ttingly scary: The Bongcheon-Dong Ghost. I throw around the phrase "pre-sh*t your pants to get a head-start on the surprise of it later" but this comic pretty much defines that warning.

Everything after those two is a bonus.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Film [insert number]: 'What We Do In The Shadows'

So, Horrorthon is over for another year. Dead and buried until an ill-wind blows the top dirt off of its shadow grave and the festering corpse beneath - seeing sunlight - blinks, breathes, and rises anew!
But, that's for the future.
For now I'm left with the fond memories of this year's festival to get me through to the next.
The high of this year's festival was the closing movie: "What We Do In The Shadows".

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Film #25: 'Trick 'r Treat'

In the same way that some films just feel like Christmas ('Elf', 'Die Hard', etc...) "Trick 'r Treat" is a film that just feels like Halloween.

Film #24: 'The Babadook'

Playing catch up now, a busy week has gotten on top of my writing schedule. My movie-watching has been fairly regular though, so it's catch-up Sunday!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Film #23: 'The Possession'

People? Am I right?
Sometimes they're just an empty vessel waiting to be filled with some kind of nonsense. Sometimes it's a fad, or a lifestyle, a catchy song or they're possessed by a demon, or something - I dunno. This film's probably vaguely about all of those things...
This film being 'The Possession'.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Film #22: 'Cube 2: Hypercube'

'Cube 2: Hypercube' has a title worthy of any sequel.
In the same way that 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze' and 'City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold' have - what I would consider to be - perfect subtitles, 'Cube 2: Hypercube' works on that same level. Maybe its subtitle isn't as freely interchangeable as the other two, but I still like it. Seriously, whenever a sequel to a movie is announced I always want it to be 'The Legend of Curly's Gold' or 'The Secret of the Ooze' and it would almost always work - try it out!


'Forget everything you thought you knew about cubes!'

'Does for cubes what 'Sphere' did for spheres.'

Any tag line would be better than the one this film chose:

'The first one had rules.' seems pretty stupid, when you consider that people probably would have responded better to the fact that some of the numbers arranged on the front seem to form the word booob!

But, maybe the tag line is just going for 100% accuracy rather than marketability. The first film did have rules. The first film featured a series of shifting boxes housing a group of people who need to figure a way out, all while trying to avoid the escape/ death ratio that works it way towards 1:1; some kind of mathematical code dictated which rooms were safe and which were not.
This second 'Cube' might not adhere to that construct. For one thing it's escape/ death ratio approaches then surpasses 1:1. The number of people who die in this movie far exceed the number of people who are in it. How?

Hypercube! That's how!
Hypercube is a 4th dimensional construct, slowly folding across and revealing breaks in the laws of physics, time, space, whatever has rules, this film breaks them!
Want to move sideways into another room? Nope! You've just dropped from the ceiling to your death!
Want to spend time trying to figure out if that is Brian Cox or a guy who just looks kinda like him?
Brian Cox
Brian Cox-blocked
OK, you'll have time for that one; but only if you can get your mind away from why the film feels the need to draw attention to Lindsey Connell as "the hot one" when Kari Matchett is clearly better looking.

Yes, there are rules in this film. But are there really?
Yes. Yes, there are.

In a film that relies on the Cube being able to bend time and space, absolutely no use is make of that, for any effect at all.
Yes, people discover deal trans-dimensional or time distorted versions of themselves, but all in a very linear and pretty-much-entirely-explained-before-they-show-up way. It's a decent, inoffensive B movie, really the only kind of sequel you could imagine the original 'Cube' having without rehashing the exact same plot, but this is not as well thought out as it needed to be to stand on its own.

Overall I'd rate this film:
"Hey! I know Kari Matchett from '24'!" out of 10.